Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
please come you make the beer taste better
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
