Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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