3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
