you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
