u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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