Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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