Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
