I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
