My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
