thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
