Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
