so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
