His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
