i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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