It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
