I feel like abortions should bother me more
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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