Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
