That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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