I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
