Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
