Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
