I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
how drunk are you?
Several
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
