just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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