I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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