I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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