is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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