My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
