How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
