This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
