I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
