dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
