You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
