turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
