K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
