ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
