so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Buhtt sex?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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