the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
