Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
