I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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