So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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