The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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