Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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