u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
