If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
