Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
