so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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