i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
