its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Even my vagina gasped.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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