I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize