the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
