she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
