Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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