we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
