Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
