I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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