I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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