he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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