There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
