I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
