it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
