I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
