In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
