Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
