never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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