so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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