I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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