I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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