Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
