So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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