I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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