You really coming over, don't trick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
