I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
