On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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