Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
