I CAN MOONWALK!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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