Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
