I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Four minutes until I can fart!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
