Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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