Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
