Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
