I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
