I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
