it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
