I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize