We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
