My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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