He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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