People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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