all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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