Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
