Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
