Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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