i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
