New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
