you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
