he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my shit smells like andre
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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