he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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