She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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