Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
