Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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