The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
