yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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