Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
