yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
