I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
