a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
