My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
