remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
